Cover image via SAYS Philipines Cover Image/Original Video from Pinoy Tambay
Despite loosening of gender roles at work and in society as a whole, men and women are remarkably traditional when it comes to marriage or proposals, according to this new research
Everyone knows how hard it is when you put serious time on someone and refuses to commit… until they move on with their next relationship, and then suddenly, they are springing for a rock. Most assume that their partner will pop the question, once they find someone they are compatible with, i.e., 'The One'.
Although that's not enough to push someone over the edge, according to a research by clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD, author of the book *If Men Could Talk.* What does it take to propose then?
The answer is: **"Being ready,"** says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it's 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit," in an interview of the [Cosmopolitan](http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a1893/will-he-ever-marry/).
Compatibility is **very important.** If he's not marriage mindset yet, he's not going to commit to anyone.
Study says that most college students from this liberal-leaning university found that most women wanted a proposal. 60 percent of women are "very willing" or "somewhat willing" to change their surname to their husbands.
The thought of finally getting married to someone who dedicates the rest of their life might seem like an ultimate dream that will finally make you feel 'safe'. For women, getting married might be something you dreamed of as a little girl, before you went to sleep at night… as you imagined putting on that white dress and walking down the aisle in front of the people you love.
81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it's the **right time to settle down.**
**"Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person," says Gratch. "But he is more likely to meet her once he's in that marrying state of mind."**
Proposals need not be expensive. This video from Pinoy Tambay tells a lot about sincerity. Proposals doesn't need to be expensive or grand. You don't need to go to Amanpulo or a grand trip to Maldives (well, I am not saying you shouldn't), but the best one should be 'sincere' and 'real'.
As of posting time, this video has **20K Likes and 19,031 Shares.** Netizens can't get enough of the guy's creativity! You can't help but cry out of happiness as you watch this video. **Note: It's not an expensive proposal, but it's heartfelt and sincere."**
Here are some reasons why you should choose a partner who knows how to propose:
1. Your partner truly believes in commitment and assurance
Even if your partner tells you that they're in it for the long term, you won't really know the level of partner's staying power until you hit the rough patches. Proposing means they are sure that they will be able to handle the negative aspects of a relationship, and a promise of not shutting down — and shutting you out. This means your partner is truly ready to bond and will be willing to try and resolve whatever problems the two of your are having and will be having in the future.
2. Your partner believes that he/she knows how to LOVE you
No matter how head-over-heels both of you are, during the initial honeymoon period of the relationship, it doesn't mean you and your partner are ready to commit. Love means thinking and feeling that the relationship is uniquely special, enabling you and your partner to ignore imperfections, which, in turn, makes both of you feel valued and special.
**Loving, on the other hand, involves connecting with the other person, understanding, and wanting to be with that person for who they are, and not who you want them to be.**
"While it might be difficult to decipher the difference between the two, one clue is the test of time. Falling in love happens early on in a relationship, when a couple barely knows each other. Once they become more intimate and learn more about each other's positive and negative traits and the initial love buzz is gone, a man who is only in love will lose interest. If he truly loves, he'll stay," says Cosmo.
When your partner proposes, it means that he/she is willing to sacrifice. Relationships are all about giving and taking, but **love is more about giving.**
3. Your partner accepts your imperfections and knows how to deal with it
Intellectually, we all know that there are no 'perfect people' and, therefore, no 'perfect relationships'. But it often takes maturity and dating experience to actually believe it. If your partner is mature enough to understand 'no one is perfect', then he/she is worth the shot.
**Unrealistic expectations makes it impossible to develop a close bond.** If your partner isn't ready to get close to someone, they'll look for imperfections, either consciously or subconsciously, to create distance and ultimately, to give a reason to break up.
4. Your partner is confident that he/she is 'The One' for you
"Even though stereotypical gender roles have loosened up and many men are no longer required to be the breadwinners, a lot of guys still worry, deep down, that they should be… and a lot of women still expect it. So if a guy feels that he can't live up to his — or his partner's — expectations, he might put off getting seriously involved to avoid feeling like he's not capable. It's a way for him to protect his ego," says Cosmo.
According to the National Marriage Project, 47 percent of men agree that they wouldn't want to marry until they can afford to provide and own a home, while 40 percent would want to afford a fancy wedding.
Proposing means your partner is ready to put all the time and energy to pursue this goal. Whether it's climbing a corporate ladder or working towards finishing law or medical school, they are still willing to balance all these and secure their partner physically and emotionally.
However, if your partner is floundering careerwise or struggling to make ends meet, it might be in your interest to bide your time and wait for him/her to get ready. Of course, it depends between the two of you. Although proposing means your partner is fully engaged in the relationship, but this too should be considered. **Patience will eventually pay off.**
5. One thing's for sure: Your partner is tired of fooling around and wants something deeper and more serious
**There's no specific age at which one is ready to marry (nor do we mature at the same rate), after a while, going from one superficial relationship to another begins to lose its allure, and we crave for a deeper kind of bond with someone.**
This more intimate mindset may be expedited if all the your friends are starting to settle down. For one thing, it becomes harder for your partner to find buddies to party with. But more important, with everyone around him getting more serious about their relationships, he's more likely to reflect on what he wants in life. Though being single can be fun and exciting when you're in your late 20s, it's often emotionally unfulfilling. And ultimately, at some point, we all want to have that soulmate connection.
